Organizers said the “Out of the Darkness” walks, which are held around the country, drag a taboo subject into the light of public awareness. The goal of the walk in San Antonio was to raise $50,000. Fargo is one of 360 communities nationwide to participate in the upcoming Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention and awareness. Brenda Weiler is the treasurer for the North Dakota Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and will participate in the walk.

I probably wouldn’t have even tried, and I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened to me if I hadn’t sought professional help before my episode. I’ve always had mild depression and anxiety, but my mental health had rapidly declined that fall.It would take me close to 30 minutes to coax myself out of bed. The only reason I would even get up was because I had to walk my dog and go to my full-time job.I’d manage to drag myself into work, but I couldn’t concentrate.

There’d be times when the thought of being in the office would be so suffocating that I’d go to my car just to breathe and calm myself down.Other times, I’d sneak into the bathroom and cry. I didn’t even know what I was crying about, but the tears wouldn’t stop. After ten minutes or so, I would clean myself up and return to my desk. It’s like I have this deep pit of sadness in my stomach that I can’t get rid of. I watch the world go on, and I continue to go through the motions and plaster a smile on my face, but deep down, I’m hurting so much. It feels like there is a huge weight on my shoulders that I can’t shrug off, no matter how hard I try.The switch from deep depression to considering suicideLooking back, the change that should have signaled to me that something was wrong was when I started to have passive suicidal thoughts. I’d feel disappointed when I woke up each morning, wishing I could end my pain and sleep forever.I didn’t have a suicide plan, but I just wanted my emotional pain to end.

I’d think about who could take care of my dog if I died and would spend hours on Google searching for different suicide methods.A part of me thought everyone did this from time to time.One therapy session, I confided in my therapist.A part of me expected her to say that I was broken and she couldn’t see me anymore. Instead, she calmly asked if I had a plan, to which I responded no.

I told her that unless there was a foolproof suicide method, I wouldn’t risk failing.I feared the possibility of permanent brain or physical damage more than death. I thought it was completely normal that if offered a pill that guaranteed death, I would take it.I now understand those aren’t normal thoughts and that there were ways to treat my mental health issues.That’s when she explained that I was going through a major depressive episode. Reaching out for help was the sign that I still wanted to liveShe helped me make a crisis plan that included a list of activities that help me relax and my social supports.My supports included my mom and dad, a few close friends, the suicide text hotline, and a local support group for depression. guided meditation.

deep breathing. go the gym and get on the elliptical or go to a spin class. listen to my playlist that includes my all-time favorite songs.

write. take my dog, Petey, on a long walkShe encouraged me to share my thoughts with a few friends in LA and back home so they could keep an eye on me between sessions. She also said talking about it might help me feel less alone.One of my best friends responded perfectly by asking, “What can I do to help? What do you need?” We came up with a plan for her to text me daily to just check in and for me to be honest no matter how I was feeling.But when my family dog died and I found out that I had to switch to a new health insurance, which meant I might have to find a new therapist, it was too much.I’d hit my breaking point. My passive suicidal thoughts turned active.

I started to actually look into ways I could mix my medications to create a lethal cocktail.After a breakdown at work the next day, I couldn’t think straight. I no longer cared about anyone else’s emotions or well-being, and I believed they didn’t care about mine. I didn’t even really understand the permanency of death at this point. I just knew that I needed to leave this world and unending pain.I truly believed that it would never get better. I now know I was wrong.I took off the rest of the day, intending to go through with my plans that night.However, my mom kept calling and wouldn’t stop until I answered. I relented and picked up the phone.

She asked me repeatedly to call my therapist. So, after I got off the phone with my mom, I texted my therapist to see if I could get an appointment that evening. Unbeknownst to me at the time, there was still a little part of me that wanted to live and that believed she could help me get through this.And she did. We spent those 45 minutes coming up with a plan for the next couple months.

She encouraged me to take some time off to focus on my health.I ended up taking the rest of the year off of work and went back home to Wisconsin for three weeks. I felt like a failure for having to stop working temporarily. But it was the best decision I ever made.I started to write again, a passion of mine that I hadn’t had the mental energy to do for quite some time. I wish I could say that the dark thoughts are gone and I’m happy. But the passive suicidal thoughts still come around more often than I want.

However, there’s a little bit of fire still burning inside of me.Writing keeps me going, and I wake up with a sense of purpose. I’m still learning how to be present both physically and mentally, and there are still times when the pain becomes unbearable.I’m learning that this will likely be a lifelong battle of good months and bad months.But I’m actually okay with that, because I know I have supportive people in my corner to help me continue fighting.I wouldn’t have gotten through last fall without them, and I know they will help me get through my next major depressive episode too.If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, help is out there. Reach out to the at 800-273-8255.

Suicide, and the threat of suicide, is one of the greatest tragedies that many have experienced among loved ones today.Its finality brings tremendous grief.Its loss can usher in feelings of huge guilt shadowing over those left behind.The sudden awareness that life is too quickly gone, can cause deep turmoil and struggle under the weight of the “what if’s” and “why’s.”But often, we find ourselves talking most about suicide after it happens. And for some, it’s a conversation much too late.

Maybe it’s time that we as believers, who know Truth and the power of Christ that sets us free, started more discussions. That we begin to open doors, setting aside our own fears and judgments, to help peel back layers, get conversations going, and take the shame out of mental illness, depression, addiction, and suicidal thoughts.10 hard, fast facts about the reality of suicide from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education):.Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US for all ages. This world can be a dark place. For any of us, life can get hard, and some seasons feel particularly trying and difficult.

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One thing we can be certain of, the enemy wants nothing more than to absolutely destroy our lives. The is clear in, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” Yet the other part of that verse is where we can find hope and strength that is bigger than ourselves. “I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly.”Christ came to give us life – full, free, abundant life. He came to bring hope and healing. The devil has no authority over our lives, except what we allow him to have. Let’s be aware of how he works to deceive and trip us up, so we’re better equipped to step over his traps, and cast aside his lies.7 Lies of Suicide, and the Truth that Sets Us Free:1.

“They’re all better off without me.” – The lie says we’re doing everyone a favor to exit. As if everyone will get over the tragedy quickly and life will move on happier without us there. But no matter what we might think, suicide leaves a crushing impact on all involved. As one leaves this world, their loved ones are left to pick up pieces and deal with great loss and despair. It’s never the solution, not for anyone. Truth says we are loved beyond measure, our lives have great purpose and meaning. We may not see it in the season we’re in.

We may feel dark clouds of gloom that seem to follow us everywhere we go. But God, in His power, can break through all that mess. He is the mountain-mover, the hope-instiller, the light-bringer. Hold on to Him, even when life looks dark and blurred. And be assured that He is holding you, and won’t ever let go.“The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms”2.

“No one really cares about me anyway. I’m all alone in this.” – The lie says we’re all alone, we’re the odd one out. The enemy will make us feel every bit of despair and defeat in the pit we’ve sunk down into.

But Truth says we are never alone. In the midst of our loneliness and despair, God reminds us, He is there. He sees our pain and knows our way, and promises to be with us always. “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.' “I just can’t face this pain anymore. The trial is too hard.” – The lie says we can’t go on, that life is too hard to face anymore. Yet Truth says that the power of the Spirit within us gives us the strength to face each day.

God reminds us in story after story in His word that He will never waste the pain we struggle through in this life, but He will turn it around for good somehow and use it to strengthen us and to help others.“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”4. “I’ve lost all hope.

I can’t go on.” – The lie says all hope is gone. Life is seemingly over. But Truth says there is always hope. And though life, as we once knew it, may be changed, it is not over. For if we’re still living and breathing in this place, we can know God has a plan.

Hope is never meant to be based on us, how good we are, or our circumstances. Hope is only based on God, His character, for He is the One who never fails. As we lift our eyes to look to Him, He will renew our hope and strength.“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”5.

“I’m going to show them how much they hurt me. They’ll miss me more after I’m gone.” – This is a lie that gets twisted with painful reality. For though it’s true that one gone too soon from our lives and world will be greatly missed, the lie says that we’re somehow not loved enough while we’re still here. So we have to do something to “show everyone” how much they’re going to hurt when we leave, like “you’ll be sorry when I’m gone.” Don’t let revenge or anger cause you to make a lasting decision that will end your life. It’s never worth it. Truth reminds us that though people will always fail us in this life, God never will. We all struggle with weaknesses, we’ve all missed the mark at times.

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Yet Christ came to heal, forgive, redeem. He makes all things new. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”6. “I’ve messed everything up. My life is over anyway.” – The lie says we’ve blown it so badly, we might as well end it all. That we don’t deserve to live any longer and our mistakes have been too great to ever be forgiven.

But Truth says nothing is too difficult for God. His reach is big, and even in our most desperate times, when we’ve fallen deep into a pit, we’re still not too far for His love, forgiveness, and grace to rescue us.“He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.”7. “I’ll be remembered more in my death than in my life.” – This lie is warped thinking by somehow imagining that one can “make a name for themselves,” by actually ending their life instead of choosing to live it. Many times, this can also lead to a strong desire and sense of urgency to “take others out along with them,” trying to make their name newsworthy and to create a “legacy,” no matter how cruel and evil that legacy might be. Yet the Truth says that light is always greater than darkness. Evil will not win.

The choice to live for what is right and godly is what will last forever.“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”It is a choice to walk in truth. It’s never dictated by how we feel or circumstances that surround, but by a decision we make every day. May God give us the power to choose wisely, to live strong, with renewed purpose and great courage, by the grace of Christ who sets us free.“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.' Note - If you or a loved one is struggling with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, please get help. Don’t try to face this on your own.

There is hope and healing, and there are many who will journey through this trial with you. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) at any time day or night 24/7, to talk to someone who understands. Or go online at for more information and help.